This is a consolidated transcript from a past lecture that had accompanying slides. My hope is that the core ideas continue to resonate, despite their somewhat clumsy presentation in this format. Enjoy! -Dalton
Growth isn’t necessarily a good thing. As one of my mentors said, “Growing just for the sake of growth is the logic of cancer.”
There is nothing inherently praiseworthy or virtuous about self-improvement. In fact, it’s impossible to evaluate if anything is really “good” or “bad” without a reference point. “Good” and “bad” are not real things, just like fast and slow, hot and cold. These are just positions along a relative spectrum.
In order to know if a particular action or habit is “good” or “bad,” we need something to compare it to. Most people assign their reference points to other people and judge themselves accordingly. They think they don’t work out enough because that guy at the gym is bigger, or their art isn’t good enough because the artists they look up to are so much better. This is what the subconscious is doing when someone scrolls through social media.
So what reference point should we use? For it to hold any meaning, it must be something generated or intuited from within: your own vision, mission, dream, goal, commitment, or purpose. This doesn’t have to be the most battle-tested and articulate vision ever, just an honest attempt at something you’re truly committed to, and an understanding of why you want it.
It’s impossible to know if something is objectively good or bad—only how harmonious it is with our vision and commitments. This distinction removes the self-judgment around supposedly “bad” behaviors and emphasizes the importance of crafting a vision.
The Vicious Cycle of Judgment
Take smoking, for example. Most people are under the impression that smoking is “bad.” But smoking is not objectively bad. I can only speak to how useful or useless it is to your particular vision. If you dream of an energetic body and a long, vibrant life, then no, I would never recommend that you smoke. But it is not “wrong” per se. “Wrong” is just a relative judgment based on your conditioning.
Believing that it is WRONG is only going to make you feel shame, guilt, and stress—which, ironically, is the precursor to more smoking. Judging your actions as wrong or bad initiates a vicious cycle.
It’s not just your actions. Judging things other people are doing as wrong is also a vicious cycle. So long as you believe that they SHOULDN’T do something and that they are wrong for doing so, you are withholding your own and their experience of unconditional love, which is the precursor to healing in the first place. By judging other people, you are actually perpetuating their so-called bad behaviors.
If you want to start creating actual, lasting change, you need to evolve beyond the dogmatic judgments of good vs. bad, accept what is, and commit to values that energize you.
It’s Not What You Do, It’s Who You Are
“It’s not about what you do, it’s about who you are while you do it.”
This is not to be confused with a surface-level view of “why” you do something—it’s much deeper than that. You need to go at least five whys deep to get to the essence of who you are as a being that would have you make that particular choice.
I would argue that most people, if they are honest with themselves, work out to compensate for feelings of inadequacy. They are trying to get away from an imaginary idea of a bad future where they are “too ugly” or “too fat” to be loved. The majority of the self-improvement industry is founded upon fighting this idea.
“Self-improvement is just a dressed-up form of self-conflict.” - Naval Ravikant
Is that to say self-improvement is wrong? Of course not. But self-improvement for the sake of improvement is, at best, incomplete and immature cyclical thinking, and at worst, an infinite and futile struggle against what is present for you.
So what is the alternative? Rather than fighting yourself, create.
Rather than fighting and running away from your fears, commit to being who you choose to be, seek to understand yourself, and take humble responsibility for every aspect of your life.
Someone living from their subconscious fears might answer the question “Why do you work out?” with something like, “I like to look good” or “gains.” These aren’t wrong answers, but they have very little depth and don’t connect to a clear, fulfilling vision.
In a peaceful, creative state of being, everything you do becomes an extension of who you are and your dream. A person living in creation might answer, “I work out because I love the way it feels to move. Having a vital body enables me to have experiences that would otherwise be unavailable to me. My training gives me the mental resilience and energy required to work on my passion projects and maintain the relationships I find fulfilling.”
Externally, two people might be doing the same thing, but internally they are living in two completely different worlds. One is an eternal fight characterized by language like I have to… I should… I need to force myself to… The other is pure freedom and creation, which says I get to… I’m excited to… I’m grateful that I can…
This, I believe, is the beginning of a creative, peaceful, powerful life.