This is a consolidated transcript from a past lecture that had accompanying slides. My hope is that the core ideas continue to resonate, despite their somewhat clumsy presentation in this format. Enjoy! -Dalton
There is an image of discipline that many people have. It looks like frowns, sweat, and toxic masculinity. Jocko Willink says, “Discipline = freedom,” but to me, the better order of operations is freedom = discipline.
A lifestyle that emphasizes discipline is often focused on self-conflict. We see this in phrases like “I should make myself,” “I need to force myself,” or “I can’t bring myself to.” You see there is an “I” and a “me” that are split and at odds. Having discipline is all about winning that fight. The distinction I’m making is: how about we dissolve the source of the fight? Let’s rally all the troops onto the same side so that not only are we accomplishing more, but we also feel relaxed and at peace the whole time.
Once you are free to be at peace with your circumstances and embody your commitments, you don’t need “discipline” in the way most people imagine it. You do things naturally and happily which other people might call “disciplined.”
The Kids on the Playground
We don’t look at children playing outside and say, “Wow, I can’t believe they’re so disciplined to go outside and exercise every single day. What’s your secret?” They do it because they love to; it’s fun. Movement and play feel good to humans.
Likewise, nobody needs “discipline” to work out. You just need a new way of relating to life, a new way of conceptualizing and feeling who you are. There is no objective difference between the child running around and the adult running. But the kid is having the time of their life, and the adult is experiencing this inner turmoil of feeling like they have to force themselves to move. It’s not about what you do; it’s about who you are while you do it.
Intensity and inner peace are not mutually exclusive. They can be had together, and I think they actually amplify each other. Many people think discipline looks like struggle and pain, when personally, I find that discipline looks and feels more like commitment, peace, and relaxation. I wake up early, take cold showers, move every day, and avoid addictions—but none of this feels like “discipline” to me. It feels like play and freedom because I know who I am and why I do what I do.
Bridging Willpower and Play
I’m fascinated by the dichotomy between will and discipline on the one hand, and aimless, playful, improvisational action on the other. For an instrumentalist, this is the difference between structured practice and noodling. For an athlete, it’s the difference between a training regimen and a pickup game.
I’m finding in my own life that play tends to be more relaxing and joyful at first, but in the long run, if there is no structured practice, I find myself a little regretful for not improving very quickly.
So, an idea I’m playing with is: what if these two things aren’t actually juxtaposed? What if we could bridge the gap between playfulness and willpower and fully embody both in what we do? What would that look like?
- Bringing a completely loose and playful energy to a structured training session.
- Bringing absolute focus into an improvisational, aimless session.
Intensity and focus on the one hand, and playful improv on the other, are not mutually exclusive. When brought together, they synergize into a really powerful force.
We can ask about our actions throughout the day: what would this look like if it were 10-20% more playful, more loose, more creative? Or conversely, if we’re already a little too all over the place: what would this look like with just 10-20% more focus, intention, or direction?
I encourage you to play with these variables in your life. Where can you take things a little less seriously? And also, where can you show a little more initiative to being and doing what you’re really committed to? Where could you use a little more playfulness? Where could you use a little more structure?